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But (as it always goes) what I found was way weirder and more complex.I Googled his Twitter handle, which is the first result after Googling his name, and the first link I came across was a page of adult photos of my cousin.I’m wondering how to move on from this, and how to be less of a basket case when dating new people.I think it’s worth spending some time figuring out why you’d still be willing to “explore a connection” with a guy who’s spent your entire on-and-off relationship in full retreat.Most importantly, you should stick to your decision not to contact your ex again.You say you don’t plan to try to talk to him now, but in the past you’ve interpreted his silence as permission to try again.At one point I asked him for advice with a school-related problem, and he asked me to call him.After we had talked, I asked him if I had done anything wrong since I hadn’t heard from him all this time. Later I wrote him an email to thank him for his time and told him I would add him on Google Hangouts to keep in better touch. I sent another one, and when he turned it down again, I wrote to ask if anything was wrong. I’m not going to contact him again, but I’m anxious that I did something wrong and didn’t realize it.
So, I’ll admit, I wasn’t Googling him out of “healthy curiosity.” It was a hate-search—I was hoping to confirm what I suspected, which is that he’s an alt-right jerk.
In the future, it might help you to think of an obvious lie like “I’ve just been busy” to explain five months of no contact as an out-and-out no, rather than pushing for more explicit rejection.